The Great Sophomore Attempt

So now I'm an experienced blogger. One whole blog under my belt, as well as a few followers who feel sorry for me like my blog. Cool. I had a major panic attack today, though, when I realized the precedent I'd set with my first post. I thought to myself, Now everyone will think I'm funny.

Let's get this out in the open here and now. **I am not funny. I repeat, not funny.** I am weird. There's a big difference. It's best for all of us if you internalize that now before you end up disappointed later.

Moving on.

I figured that, now you know the story of my humble entry into the blogging world, I would treat you all to a little autobiography. This may not seem useful (or even interesting) now, but I want to make it easy for kids to Google me for their history papers come Year 2020. I have excellent foresight.

Anywho, I am married (sorry to all the gentlemen out there. I do hope my two Internet stalkers, Melvin and Earl, don't lose interest.) to a great guy named Lord Byron. Okay, I added the "Lord" part, but I thought it would make for a more interesting research paper for those history students. He's thoroughly wonderful and thoroughly geeky. We'll go into the reasons why he's geeky at a later time. And as a side note, I prefer the term "nerdy"--but Byron told me in no uncertain terms that there's a difference of cosmic proportions between "geeks" and "nerds." Apparently to mix them up means instant death by decapitation.

For the last few years I've worked at a great Christian publishing house here in town. I was most recently an editor. That's just a fancy way of saying, "I can write much better than you." I have been referred to--lovingly, I assume--as an "edi-turd" on a few occasions. However, I'm guessing that Kevin the person-who-shall-not-be-named was merely jealous of my superior writing skills.

My editing days are not quite over, but lately my job has morphed and congealed into coordinating constituents who will rally behind our conglomerate and thereby assess our vendibles, wherefore by which assessments we shall implement needed changes that will make our output top-notch. In other words, I am the Beta Liaison. In OTHER other words, I get to choose a group of churches who will test our new Sunday School curriculum line and provide feedback that we'll use to make changes and enhancements. It's the bomb-diggity, and I like it.

Like most people, I have two parents. You might think they believe in tough love (judging by my mother's doubtful comment to my very first blog ... all I ever wanted was your approval, momma!!), but they're actually pretty cool. They live around here, and they haven't yet gotten annoying enough that the hubby and I hide behind furniture when they ring our doorbell. I have three sisters too, and it's probably best not to ask about that. I grew up in an atmosphere of estrogen overload, so I am on a strict regimen of one Keanu Reeves movie a day to get rid of the excess emotions I was subjected to during my formative years.

That's really all I have to say about that. You might think that my life isn't really very interesting, but the truth is that I need to make it a little more difficult for students to write their papers. I'm sure their teachers will require multiple sources.

All right, friends, I'm going to sign off now and go watch The Matrix.

The Beginning of ... What?

I have started a blog.

Now that the announcement is out of the way, I'll tell you how it happened.

I'd always had these lofty plans in mind about how I would write thousands of blog posts that would delight generations, have people lining up to be the first to read and comment on my newest post, and eventually become so popular that companies throw truckloads of money at me for the sheer privilege of advertising on my site. Or maybe I just wanted to be able to tell people, "I have a blog."

So, after months of writing countless amazing and profound blogs in my head, I decided that I would finally sit down at the computer and share my wittiness with the world.

Of course I couldn't be bothered with shopping around blog sites to find the perfect fit, so I promptly typed in the Internet address bar the only site that I could name off the top of my head. I created my profile, entered those silly letters into the box that's there for the sole purpose of making sure you're a human and not a robot (I'm so very glad I passed that test! What would I tell my husband if I'd have found out I'm a robot?), and then lovingly selected a template for the blog itself. How exciting! I almost peed myself with delight. I couldn't wait to share the exciting news that I HAVE A BLOG!

Imagine my disappointment when I realized that I can't really tell people I have a blog until I actually write something. So funny how easy it can be to overlook those nit-picky little details.

Before I started writing, though, I had to answer two all-important questions.

1. Why am I writing this blog?
2. What will this blog be about?

My answers were simply this:

1. I don't know.
2. Not a clue.

Upon further reflection, I realized that I am going to write this blog so I can officially claim my spot in the millennial generation (let's not split hairs ... I know I read somewhere that 1981 is on the very edge of that generation). I also wanted to write something that my children slash grandchildren would be able to look at and have clear and tangible proof that their mother slash grandmother is a verifiable nutcase. An extremely intelligent verifiable nutcase, of course.

I also decided that this blog should be about anything and everything. Maybe one day I'll talk to you about the joy of puppies and kittens; then the next, we'll have a debate on the all-important theological question of whether Adam and Eve had belly buttons. The point is that the audience will never know what's coming. A little anticipation will keep readers on the edge of their seats and leave them salivating for more.

Now I have to wonder: Will I have any readers? I suppose that's up to you, dear friends. If my blog ends up languishing in the empty and lonely wastes of cyberspace, I can probably just tell my grandkids that I meant it to be a private journal all along.

Now that I HAVE A BLOG, I hope you'll read it. If you find spelling, punctuation, and/or grammar errors that make you want to leave in disgust, please remember that I am a creative genius, and creative geniuses can't be bothered with those kinds of things. In all seriousness, I do hope this blog will actually make some small contribution to my circle of friends or society at large rather than becoming a vapid list of all the super and amazing things I did during the week (Facebook statuses FTW!).

It's about time to end this way-too-long piece of silliness. But before I go, I have one small request: If you read any of my humble posts, will you comment so I know you're out there? I'm sure you want me to have something awesome to show my grandchildren.